News Americas, NEW YORK, NY, Fri. Aug. 27, 2015: President Obama’s vacation is all over. How sad.
At least my publisher and I got to spend some quality time with him on Martha’s Vineyard as I related exclusively in last week’s episode.
President Obama called me from Air Force One on his way back to DC last Sunday night after a last round of golf on the Vineyard. He had a strange dream – it involved my publisher and me – although it was mostly about him.
I don’t know where to begin. He called just when I was doing my research for this episode about his plans for his coming retirement. So the dream begins with my publisher and I at the Obama’s vacation mansion and the President finds out my publisher has a great voice and asks her to sing.
So she decides to sing a medley from Porgy & Bess with Barack on the piano and he is so enchanted by her singing and her beauty he tells her we must stay on the Vineyard overnight as his guest and give a free concert the next day for all those rich folks vacationing on the Vineyard.
Next thing we know, the President hears a commotion on his private beach and finds out his daughters and their friends have been arrested for smoking marijuana without a prescription and that is not good enough for them.
President Obama distraught; then goes searching for Michelle only to learn the Vineyard police stopped by the house and arrested her for shop lifting earlier in the day at the local Duane Reade. He doesn’t know what to do.
The next thing he knows it’s the next day and as usual the President is back playing golf which allows him to forget about Michelle and the girls being in jail on the Vineyard waiting for a credit check on the President before they are released on bail and finding out they will have wear electronic ankle bracelets back at The White House as a condition of their release.
More worrying is that Barack has just learned that a crazy man named Donald Trump has escaped from the Martha’s Vineyard insane asylum and is looking for people with dark skin he can kidnap and send to Mexico.
Luckily the President is on an exclusive golf course and he quickly also forgets that problem and focuses on his golf game while he hears in the distance my publisher giving her free concert and singing “Summertime.”
Everything is now fine in Barack’s dream until his golf game turns bad and he keeps hitting his ball into sand traps – and there are plenty on Martha’s Vineyard. He gets so mad he picks up his phone calls the CIA and orders a drone attack on his golf clubs. He wants them destroyed! So he takes cover. A few moments later a drone flies over the Vineyard, lands on his golf clubs and blows them up to the President’s great delight. He loves drones.
The problem is that all the rich folk on Martha’s Vineyard who had been enjoying my publisher’s fabulous voice and mesmerized by her beauty got scared thinking it is was a nuclear attack by Iran. It did not help that Israeli’s Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was also on the Vineyard vacationing and ran all over the Vineyard shouting: “ I told you so.”
At this point, all that had happened hit President Obama at once and he became frantic and did not know what to do and he certainly did not want Netanyahu to find him and yell and scream at him. Let alone Donald Trump.
Then everything became still and quiet and out of nowhere the ghost of Martha’s Vineyard named Martha came out of nowhere. The President knew about her. Everyone had heard about her but he had never seen her.
Then she spoke: “I am the Spirit of Summer, Barack I have come to take you on a journey and teach you a lesson that will make you a good President.”
“Where are you taking me?” Barack asked. Martha told him to Summer Past, Present and Future so that you will know what to do the next year.
And at once he was back on Hawaii with Martha at his side and watching himself as a teenager smoking pot all the time and playing basketball all the time – usually at the same time – and having a wonderful time with all the rich Hawaiian kids he attended exclusive schools with for the Hawaiian elite.
Barack says to Martha I wish I could be back there. Martha says to Barack so why do you lie to everyone now about your past it was so much fun.
Then as if by magic, Martha takes Barack to the present – but not to the Vineyard – to the Clinton’s house where Bill and Hillary are counting all their money and plotting how to steal the Presidency for Hillary.
Martha asks is this how you want to end up soon? Barack is frightened.
Then once again they are gone to the future. Martha shows an old Barack and Michelle alone on Coney Island without even money for a couple of hot dogs but getting ready to try and fish so they can have something to eat.
“See Barack, what the future holds for you,” Martha tells him. “If you don’t mend your ways and keep all those promises you made in 2007 if you became President.”
Then Barack is back on the golf course but Martha is gone and Barack tells the Secret Service: “Get me out of here. Let’s head for Air Force One and back to DC fast.”
That is the story the President told me when he called me from Air Force One last Sunday night. What a scary dream!
What did he learn from his dream? Nothing as I will explain in my next episode.